Madeira - Sunday

Our first stop today was to look round the fish market.

Mum and Dad shared some roasted chestnuts.
We went round the gardens in the rain and saw some lovely deer.

Back at the hotel Mum had a facial and Dad had a pedicure. Then I took Mum to the supermarket coffee shop and she had a plastic cup of wine for 89 cents.

Madeira - Saturday

We got the bus up to the botanic gardens.

My favourites were the angel's trumpet flowers, the bright orange bird-of-paradise flowers and the massive cacti.
There was an aviary section and one duck and one chicken seemed to be enacting the Great Escape.

Me and Mum shared a piece of honey cake and she had a passion fruit poncha.

Madeira - Friday

For our tour today we stopped at a wicker workshop.

Next we went right up in the mountains.

Mum and Dad had some more poncha to drink. Then back on the minibus. Then another stop. Mum and Dad had another poncha and tried on some hats.

Madeira - Thursday

For today's excursion we were two minibuses of OAPs. Our guide Antonetta was 7 months pregnant. We went to a sugar mill and tasted some cake, biscuits, rum, sugar cane juice and molasses. Dad wouldn't drink my rum so I had to give it to a different old man in our group.

Next we went to a banana factory and saw all the workers sorting and washing the bananas. Antonetta walked us round the plantation and explained to us how the bananas grow from the flower.

The next stop was for a tasting of guava, papaya and custard apple and some poncha (fruity rum drink).

We all had lunch at a restaurant by the sea. The starter was a new one on us - limpets. I tried one and that was enough for me. Mum and Dad liked them though.

For her main course Mum had the Madeiran speciality of scabbard fish with banana.

Next those of us that could manage went down the cliff face in a special lift.

At the bottom we walked round the mango, papaya and avocado trees.

It was like a tropical paradise. We tasted some Surinam cherries as well.

When we came back to the hotel the cleaners had arranged my pyjamas in a special way.

Madeira - Wednesday

We left Mum at the hotel to have a massage while me and Dad got picked up in a minibus to go on our 7 mile walk. Our guide told me off for having a miserable face so that was a good start. Everyone else had anoraks, rucksacks, walking boots, special sticks apart from me and Dad. The guide man lent us each a mac. We had to go up and down slopes and great long stretches of steps and along narrow walls with a big drop on one side and it was really muddy and wet so me and Dad nearly slipped over a few times. Our guide man told us off for putting our feet down wrong and all the Countryfile power-walking types gave us disapproving looks for being so slow. I was trailing right at the back. We had to go through a really long pitch black tunnel as well. I was so tired my legs were shaking.

  When we finally got back to the hotel Mum said she'd got a bit lost trying to find her room again after she came out the spa but she found some other woman who was a bit lost too.
 I had a feed up of cakes at dinner time. In the hotel dining room Mum said to me look there's Michael Rosen and Aunt Babe over there.

Madeira - Tuesday

At breakfast Mum said she's staying forever because she was sat there with a glass of champagne and a plate full of her fave exotic fruits.
  We had a cable car ride up to Monte with a lovely panoramic view down to the sea and up the mountainside.

We came down in one of the famous toboggans.

In the afternoon we went to the market and looked at all the fruit stalls selling different types of bananas, passion fruit, custard apples etc.

The entertainment at the hotel tonight was a naff singer called Brian Robinson. Dad said to me quiz question - name 3 Robinsons. I said Smokey Robinson and Paul Robinson. He said he'd never heard of them.

Madeira - Monday

Mum got nobbled at security trying to take her yogurt through.
  When we got on the plane the pilot said we wouldn't be able to leave on time and would have to just sit there for 45 minutes. Gutted.
  At the hotel after dinner we watched some ballroom dancers and at the end Dad got pulled up to join in.

Horrible Histories