Pre-Christmas

Chat and Ness invited me and the Baileys round to their flat for a pre-Christmas get together. We played pass the parcel, tried Morrisons white christmas pudding, exchanged presents and went over the road to go on the dodgems.

The Bossy King

We went to see Josh's Christmas play. He made a very good bossy king!

Joe

Joe had no school today so he stayed over with me and Grandma. He did all his Christmas shopping - in Poundland bless him. We took him to KFC for lunch.

Bluewater

Mum, Ness and I went on my work's trip to Bluewater. Mum had a massage. I had a spend up. Ness enjoyed her Pinkberry.

Babysitting - Sunday

We got the bus to town and Grandma bought the boys some shoes. Then we got the bus to Scotsdales garden centre and went to see Father Christmas.

Babysitting - Saturday

While Tasha and Don were in London for Don's work do Mum and I took the boys to Mill Road Winter fair. We went to Cambridge Kitchens and Joe made some lovely gingerbread men and shapes. Josh enjoyed decorating them. And eating them! Mum had a glass of mulled wine (till I knocked it over!) Then we watched the parade and the Chinese dragons and were given some free mince pies as we walked along.

Aldi

Mum, Ness and I had lunch at the Isaac Newton pub. Then we went to Aldi and Iceland to get Mum a three-bird roast etc. Ness did a special beads manicure on me.

Nativity 2

Mum, Josh, Joe and I went to see Nativity 2 while Tasha and Donald went dress shopping. Ness stayed the night at Girton because Chat was in Bishops Stortford.

Carluccio's and Hairy Bikers

   Ness and I went to Carluccio's and had the festive menu. We had antipasto d'Inverno which was buffalo mozzarella, aubergine, mushrooms, salami, chargrilled bread and olives. When the waitress took the plates she said to me "You didn't like the caponata?" Oopsie! For mains we had lenticchie e cotechino which was an Italian Christmas delicacy of sausage on a bed of lentils. The lentils were so salty they were nearly inedible. And Ness didn't like the fact we had to take the skin off the sausage. Ness had the dessert selection of mini choc raspberry tart, pistachio icecream and panettone. I ordered the mandarin sorbet but what the waitress brought me tasted like melon sorbet to me. Then we went to the Corn Exchange to see the Hairy Bikers. We were right near the front. Ness bought me the programme which taught me that Croque Monsieur means Gentleman's Crunch. The show wasn't that good because there was a lot of them being silly and trying to be funny and us watching pre-recorded bits on a big screen.

Jess - Mon

Jess, Ness and I went round town then we went to Therfield for Jess to see Tasha at work. We had lunch at Bury Lane and I said hello to the lovely turkeys in the car park .

Jess - Sun

The Baileys came over to Girton for lunch with Jess. Then we went to look at Nessa's new flat. Ness, Chat, Dad, Jess and I went to see Skyfall at the cinema. Dad fell asleep and was snoring during the trailers so the couple sitting next to him moved!

Yarmouth - Fri

Josh filled out the questionnaire and Tasha asked him why he put poor for child friendliness - he said coz he didn't see any friendly children!

Yarmouth - Thurs

   Mum and Tasha went off for a massage. Joe, Josh and I played adventure golf. Then Joe and Josh each went on a single go-kart. I had to run behind and do a bit of pushing when Josh's legs got tired.
  We went swimming again. When they were getting changed Josh said to Tasha "Mum, why have you got two lumps there and one lump there?"
  We came back to Grandma's caravan and she made us her special soup with boiled potatoes, spaghetti hoops and peas in.
  Grandad found us the last two pumpkins in the world! Yay! We carved them then we went to the other caravan to play Dr Dreadful's zombie lab. We made jelly bug sweets, foaming brain, zombie barf, churned stomach drink. Gross!
   Joe went to the shop all on his own in the rain and the dark coz the spider cake mix I brought needs a teaspoon of butter.
  In the restaurant a magician got coins from Josh's ear and made him a sword out of balloons and Joe a balloon motorbike. Tasha told Josh to drink up his appletiser and he said "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

Yarmouth - Wed

  Joe and Dad walked into town while the rest of us got a taxi. Mum said "Look it's Harry Ramsden over there" and Josh said "No it's not Grandma, it might just be a random stranger."
   Joe, Josh and I each had a self-service slush puppy coz there were cool flaves like lilt and vimto. We got the land train one-way which upset Josh coz he didn't want to have to walk back. Dad said "Oh sorry, have I made a foo pas?"
  We went to the Sealife Centre and saw smiley rays, terrapins, sharks. And we touched a starfish and a little shrimp thing. The boys did mining for gold. The penguins were looking a bit cold and sad like Josh was earlier. They shot poo out their bums.
  Tash, Joe, Josh and I went to Merrivale model village. It was quite late by now and it looked pretty all lit up. Joe loved the trains. Josh loved pushing the buttons that made the little figures and things move and play music.
   Back at the caravan we got all Halloweeny. We got in the massive queue for the fancy dress comp. Joe was number 128 and Josh 129 out of 170 children. They all had to do a quick walk across the stage.
   In the restaurant Tasha had tortellini and Dad and the boys said "What's twiddly-doo-dah?"
Tasha put Josh's devil wings on and they were annoying Mum coz they kept boofing her.
We came back to Grandma's caravan and played the spin the board for a chocolate game. Josh said he was putting Grandma and Grandad's chocs in the elderly pile. Joe's hair dye turned the armchair green.
   We did the sky lanterns but it was a bit too windy so we nearly set our neighbour's caravan on fire!

Yarmouth - Tues

   When we were getting changed into our swimming gear Josh said I could get changed in the living room like him coz he didn't mind seeing my penis!!
   The pool was quite warm when we were in it but freezing when we were walking about to different bits. The boys enjoyed the chutes.
   Josh and I did the Halloween treasure hunt. Then we all met up and Dad and Joe led us on a hike into town. Grandma and Josh weren't very happy about it. We were all freezing.
   Josh went on a donkey called Casper on the beach. And we had a stroll down the pier.
We went in a chav caf and Josh said it was posh coz of the menus on the tables.
   Mum wanted to get a taxi back to the caravan park but we said no. Luckily Josh was out of his whingey mood now so there was room for Mum to have a turn.
  We walked all the way back, our legs aching and heads freezing off and then made the haunted gingerbread house. The glowstick lollipops from Poundland looked good.
   We went in the disco bit but it was absolutely heaving and we couldn't find a spare table. I shuffled across the dancefloor to choco choco latte in search of a free table but to no avail.
  We watched the end of the supergran competition. Some of the grannies were as young as Tasha! Then it was time for Keith Harris and Cuddles and Orville. Josh said later that Cuddles was rude coz he said tit. We said do you know what that means and he said no. Josh let it slip to Tasha that I recorded Orville singing on my phone. Josh said actually old-fashioned things are quite good.

Yarmouth - Mon

   Joe and I got the train while Dad drove Tash, Josh and Mum. When me and Joe got to Yarmouth station we were brave and got a taxi and our taxi driver had to go round a police road block coz there'd been a lorry crash. We found the others in the restaurant. Josh and Dad were enjoying their icecream sundaes but both getting messy.
   Joe came round my, Tasha and Josh's caravan and we played the scabs n guts boardgame. Tasha had to try and burp four letters of the alphabet. Josh had to try and get his elbow in his ear.
   We sent Joe and Tasha over to bring us back some takeaway and then ate it round Mum, Dad and Joe's caravan. I forced everyone to go over to the disco. Tasha had a blue wkd and Joe had some of it! Dad had a Mexican beer.
When we came back to our caravans a rabid vampire bat aka Joe in his onesie came calling. Josh kept shouting in his sleep and asking me to put his duvet back on him.

Nigella

Ness and I got the train after work to Ely. We had a 15 minute walk to the cathedral and Ness asked a couple of people for directions. We queued up and managed to get seats near the front. Ness enjoyed the free wine! Tasha arrived just as it was about to start. Nigella talked about her new book and then answered lots of questions from the audience about how to tell when your pasta's done and what cake is best to make to impress people. Then they announced there would be book signing at the front and there was a sudden huge bundle of about a thousand people all trying to get in there. A mad woman started trying to push me over so Ness had to be my bodyguard. When it was finally my turn Nigella commented on my name being French. Tasha said to her she'd have RSI by the end of the night and Nigella said nothing a stiff drink won't fix. Then we went back out into the fog and made our way home.

Nail Art

Ness and I went to a nail art course at Parkside. Think we need a bit more practice!

Tenerife - Monkey Park

   We got a taxi up the road to the monkey park. We fed a giant tortoise a pear which he enjoyed very much. We hand-fed all the monkeys and lemurs with grapes, raisins, bananas etc. The lemurs were so soft when we stroked them. A chimp blew raspberries at us. When we were going through one doorway a little monkey above us started doing a wee and a poo nearly right on Mum's head!

    We had to wait ages for a taxi to pick us up. Chat was so tired he lay down on the ground in the car park and Ness was embarrassed.

     We went back down the seafront for some more sangria.

 As part of our buffet dinner at the hotel this evening there was a pig's head!