Yarmouth - Wed

  Joe and Dad walked into town while the rest of us got a taxi. Mum said "Look it's Harry Ramsden over there" and Josh said "No it's not Grandma, it might just be a random stranger."
   Joe, Josh and I each had a self-service slush puppy coz there were cool flaves like lilt and vimto. We got the land train one-way which upset Josh coz he didn't want to have to walk back. Dad said "Oh sorry, have I made a foo pas?"
  We went to the Sealife Centre and saw smiley rays, terrapins, sharks. And we touched a starfish and a little shrimp thing. The boys did mining for gold. The penguins were looking a bit cold and sad like Josh was earlier. They shot poo out their bums.
  Tash, Joe, Josh and I went to Merrivale model village. It was quite late by now and it looked pretty all lit up. Joe loved the trains. Josh loved pushing the buttons that made the little figures and things move and play music.
   Back at the caravan we got all Halloweeny. We got in the massive queue for the fancy dress comp. Joe was number 128 and Josh 129 out of 170 children. They all had to do a quick walk across the stage.
   In the restaurant Tasha had tortellini and Dad and the boys said "What's twiddly-doo-dah?"
Tasha put Josh's devil wings on and they were annoying Mum coz they kept boofing her.
We came back to Grandma's caravan and played the spin the board for a chocolate game. Josh said he was putting Grandma and Grandad's chocs in the elderly pile. Joe's hair dye turned the armchair green.
   We did the sky lanterns but it was a bit too windy so we nearly set our neighbour's caravan on fire!

Yarmouth - Tues

   When we were getting changed into our swimming gear Josh said I could get changed in the living room like him coz he didn't mind seeing my penis!!
   The pool was quite warm when we were in it but freezing when we were walking about to different bits. The boys enjoyed the chutes.
   Josh and I did the Halloween treasure hunt. Then we all met up and Dad and Joe led us on a hike into town. Grandma and Josh weren't very happy about it. We were all freezing.
   Josh went on a donkey called Casper on the beach. And we had a stroll down the pier.
We went in a chav caf and Josh said it was posh coz of the menus on the tables.
   Mum wanted to get a taxi back to the caravan park but we said no. Luckily Josh was out of his whingey mood now so there was room for Mum to have a turn.
  We walked all the way back, our legs aching and heads freezing off and then made the haunted gingerbread house. The glowstick lollipops from Poundland looked good.
   We went in the disco bit but it was absolutely heaving and we couldn't find a spare table. I shuffled across the dancefloor to choco choco latte in search of a free table but to no avail.
  We watched the end of the supergran competition. Some of the grannies were as young as Tasha! Then it was time for Keith Harris and Cuddles and Orville. Josh said later that Cuddles was rude coz he said tit. We said do you know what that means and he said no. Josh let it slip to Tasha that I recorded Orville singing on my phone. Josh said actually old-fashioned things are quite good.

Yarmouth - Mon

   Joe and I got the train while Dad drove Tash, Josh and Mum. When me and Joe got to Yarmouth station we were brave and got a taxi and our taxi driver had to go round a police road block coz there'd been a lorry crash. We found the others in the restaurant. Josh and Dad were enjoying their icecream sundaes but both getting messy.
   Joe came round my, Tasha and Josh's caravan and we played the scabs n guts boardgame. Tasha had to try and burp four letters of the alphabet. Josh had to try and get his elbow in his ear.
   We sent Joe and Tasha over to bring us back some takeaway and then ate it round Mum, Dad and Joe's caravan. I forced everyone to go over to the disco. Tasha had a blue wkd and Joe had some of it! Dad had a Mexican beer.
When we came back to our caravans a rabid vampire bat aka Joe in his onesie came calling. Josh kept shouting in his sleep and asking me to put his duvet back on him.

Nigella

Ness and I got the train after work to Ely. We had a 15 minute walk to the cathedral and Ness asked a couple of people for directions. We queued up and managed to get seats near the front. Ness enjoyed the free wine! Tasha arrived just as it was about to start. Nigella talked about her new book and then answered lots of questions from the audience about how to tell when your pasta's done and what cake is best to make to impress people. Then they announced there would be book signing at the front and there was a sudden huge bundle of about a thousand people all trying to get in there. A mad woman started trying to push me over so Ness had to be my bodyguard. When it was finally my turn Nigella commented on my name being French. Tasha said to her she'd have RSI by the end of the night and Nigella said nothing a stiff drink won't fix. Then we went back out into the fog and made our way home.

Nail Art

Ness and I went to a nail art course at Parkside. Think we need a bit more practice!

Tenerife - Monkey Park

   We got a taxi up the road to the monkey park. We fed a giant tortoise a pear which he enjoyed very much. We hand-fed all the monkeys and lemurs with grapes, raisins, bananas etc. The lemurs were so soft when we stroked them. A chimp blew raspberries at us. When we were going through one doorway a little monkey above us started doing a wee and a poo nearly right on Mum's head!

    We had to wait ages for a taxi to pick us up. Chat was so tired he lay down on the ground in the car park and Ness was embarrassed.

     We went back down the seafront for some more sangria.

 As part of our buffet dinner at the hotel this evening there was a pig's head!

Tenerife - Loro Park

  A coach took us to Loro Park. Ness and Chat sat near the front for the orca show and got all wet. Mum liked the orcas because they looked like they were smiling. We also saw a sea lion show, dolphin show and parrot show. 

  











Afterwards we walked back to the beach for a bit. Mum reckons she saw a bar called the fart club. We told Mum Ness had bought Penny a top with lilies on it and she thought we said willies!

Tenerife - Teide

Chat, Ness and I got on the coach for our excursion to Mount Teide. This volcanic landscape was used for films like Star Wars as it looks quite moon-like. We got the cable car up to the top. Our next stop was Roques Garcia to see the impressive rock formations. Ness sampled some local prickly pear jam.

 While we were on our excursion Mum and Dad had been on a boat trip to see whales and dolphins.

Tenerife - Playa de las Americas

We went swimming/paddling in the sea. We saw some well good sand sculptures. Mum, Dad and Ness enjoyed some sangria. Chat and Ness went round the shops.

Tenerife - Siam Park

   Ness, Chat and I got the free open-top double-decker bus to Siam water park. When we got there Ness and I sat in a double inflatable ring thing and Chat in a single and we floated down the river. Chat went on Naga racer which was a slippery dip slide thing which you have to go down headfirst on a mat. Then Ness and I went on a double ring and Chat on a single down the jungle snakes. It was like going down a helter skelter in the dark and then landing in a pool. Ness and I screamed.
   Chat went on loads more rides while me and Ness sat in the cafe. I called the day Waiting for Chat-ot. Chat came back cursing himself because he'd been back to the lockers to get his cigarettes but they weren't there. He realized he'd put them in the pocket of his swimming shorts and gone on rides with them so they were soaking wet!
We went back to the hotel for a nap. When I met up with Mum and Dad for dinner we couldn't find Ness and Chat. They eventually appeared from the bar and they hadn't been having a nap at all - they'd been in to town and to Mcdonalds! Ness was drinking a cocktail which was bright green with an orange-peel rose and special slice of pear round the rim.

Josh

Me, Mum and Dad babysat the little monkey while the other Baileys went to look round upper schools.